The Next Step: Radiation

A few weeks ago I was in my school's parking lot on my way to class when I received a phone call from an unknown number.  On the other end I was greeted by a familiar voice, it was Dr. Choi my Oncologist.  He called to inform me my PET scan came in negative, all signs of cancer had diminished like air and he was going to refer me to a Radiologist.

I wasn't sure whether to cry or to start getting busy by thanking God for the blessing.  I called my father immediately, its the easiest way to spread the news, besides I had a test in twenty minutes.  When I had my first meeting with my radiologist he mentioned how Lymphoma has a very high recurrence rate.  He also mentioned how even though I am in the ten year program to be periodically checked for new signs of cancer, I should surpass that and do at least twenty years;  I take that suggestion as to do it the rest of my life.

I was reminded of that earlier today and that is why I am writing about it.  I didn't quite process the meaning of that, from day two I have been nonchalant about the whole ordeal, always having faith that God would heal me.  I have two choices to live by for the rest of my life; one being I can always stay fearful for a recurrence in my thyroid or lymphnode, or I can live like cancer has given me my last days.

Most people I have come across swear that God would never purposely put any disease or death upon one of his children.  I beg to differ, since I have left my Christian high school, away from chapel on Wednesdays and daily devotions with my classmates, I have strayed with an absent mind from God.  As for the severity of this common human fault, I am unsure.  Yet, I believe this cancer was a sign from God that will echo through the rest of my life with every check-up.  He gave me the strength to endure, as well as the family and friends to help along the way. He doesn't want to see me stray, —for you shall not worship any other god, for the LORD, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God” (Exodus 34:14).  

Video Games: Give Me A Break

I just recently purchased and played the new Halo Reach game.  Everytime a new awesome video game comes out, some of my family members and even girlfriend will notice my abstence in both presence and mind.  I've been told everyone needs a break to do something they are good at once in a while.  It's true.... and what makes me wonder is how often do we do these "video game breaks"?  What's great in this respect is where my mind ends up during my time controling a ficticious entity on a bright screen.  I tend to go in another world, just like someone who is caught up reading an awesome novel or watching an intriguing movie.

In all honesty, I'm not getting anything done while playing a pointless video game.  In fact, you can say I am harming my well-being and mind while playing this pointless entertainment.  Truth beholds in research studies, children who play multiple hours a day in these virtual worlds tend to be overweight and receive lower grades.  Everyone has their unhealthy habit, this is mine to keep.  I'm sure you have yours, but here's another funny yet sad fact.  Right now we are in the midst of a long recession where the countries' gdp and gnp are lower than they have been in decades.  Most industries are hurting except for these four markets: gold, oil, alcohol and video games.  Yes, you may mix both alcohol and video games together to come up with one conclusion in this scenerio, but look deeper here.

People need an escape from the hard times.  Video game sales and stocks have risen, in some cases, tripled in numbers.  This exponential drive of gaming fanatics shows that people need an escape from the hard times.  I'm only making this analogy to show you aren't alone out there.  Heck, you could be down for so many other reasons.  Do yourself a favor and enjoy a healthy getaway like I do, well sort of.  Life just gets shorter and shorter till we realize it and prolong it with our attitude.  It doesn't necessarily have to be a video game; find your muse and you will see what I mean.

How Much Does It Cost?

Today I had a text conversation with a friend of mine and I noticed I have a habit in asking the same sort of question.  "How much does it cost?"  No matter what way I displayed this question on my phone's screen it meant the same thing.  "How Much?", I feel as an average American consumer I look for the random number assigned to every product and service.  Funny thing though, I was sitting through my marketing class while texting him, little ironic.  We were first discussing what he was approved for on a car loan;  then insurance costs, then how much a computer game costs, little off-subject. All had the underlining question we all ask either internally or externally.

Now what would happen if I asked you how much you were worth?  Wow!!!! That's not something I want to put much thought into, you might be thinking.  Everyday is not like "The Price Is Right" where you guess the "worth" of something else.  It's usually very simple where that random number is placed nearby the item.  So when I ask you how much you are worth to yourself, I'm not asking for that random number.  Phewww.... you're probably ecstatic you don't have to turn yourself into material of objective worth.

We all need some sort of measurement to way out the worth of something else, but to be honest I don't ever weigh out my worth in any measurement.  I only see myself as someone who is worth alot, if thats specific enough.  I like to write and talk, many companies value those gifts and expect the employees with these gifts to utilize them.  Same for someone who does well in math, art, whatever.  We are all good at something, if you spend your time doing one thing more than another, chances are you are good at whatever it is.....even computer games.  I never once in my life thought I was worthless, thats when you know you have failed at one thing, recognizing yourself.  We are human, our cerebral cortex is what keeps us apart from animals so just use it, or you'll kick yourself :)

Cancer Hair

Hey guys if you read my "About Me" you will already be aware that I was diagnosed with Lyphoma cancer over the summer.  It's only stage 2 and see it as an opportunity to change certain aspects of my life.  Slowly I've strayed from the deep center of who I originally was.  Yes, over the years I have developed more self-confidence and motivation, but what I really forgot was how deep I can plunge on paper.  Surely you must think there is something inside of you that pushes you forward.  Theres an unending position that needs to be occupied; shoes that need to be filled in times of ambiguous meaning.  Or simply, we need to be what we are deep inside sometimes, no matter how many interpretations we will find of the same concept.

I myself have found that when I have the feeling of Love, I can't help but express it in different ways. Just I haven't used one expression in a while, one that I love, writing.  I started this blog so I can start "writing" and show whoever cares to take the time to read my love for the art.  There are times when I'm surfing the internet for hours and dreaming of having or doing things that I see other people doing or having on youtube and such, when I forget I can do those things or have those things.  Theres no fine line that seperates whats a dream and whats reality.  They all say just go for it and you just may get it.  I don't see it that way, I feel that if I feel I "need" it in some sort or fashion then why not tell myself, "Jon, its yours and no one will keep it from you."  You see, even though I have cancer I won't fret; because when I have trust in my doctor I push myself one inch.  When I believe I can get people noticing my company 2nDerma, I get another. Finally when I go do things I've always been scared to do, I have already traveled a mile.

Cancer is the gateway to alternative thinking my friends.  Don't get lost in what is ahead of you but battle what is real and what is current.  There is no need to stress, it only shortens our already short lives.  Just the other day I noticed my hair started falling out.  Most people take this hard, but not I.  I joke about it all the time, "Hey you want some hair"?  I would pull a chunk out and gross out the victim.  I did what my girlfriend's dad told me; cut the hair so I feel in control not the cancer.  So now I have extremely short hair, or what I like to call, "Cancer Hair".  Here's another thing I noticed, people come together during times of hardship and support those who are unfortunate.  It makes me feel fortunate when that happens, like family and friends are a web of love.  Here's what I want you to do today, go out and show love to someone going through a hard time.  If there's no one you know of who's feeling under then do the same for someone you normally don't express such feelings towards.  I can't find a better reason to help someone than knowing their life isn't smooth sailing.